Eulogy For a Love From Charma ...

We start of as being fren, cos at first i do think of his status of being married to sumone .. and of cos having kids of his own makes me think deeper to be involved wit dis guy .. but i must have missed a step or two, cos i didnt know wat change d frenship into a feeling so sweet as dis .. when i'm in need of a fren, he's there without expecting anything in return .. he's owez around when discomfort hits me at its best ..

his words of comfort owez calms my nerve when i'm on d edge of my pathetic life, his hands owez ready to catch me if ever i'm going to fall .. he cares, even he knew he cannot offer me more than wat he already gave me .. he loves, even when he knew its forbidden n might not have a happy ending .. he tries, to be so many things to me and fer me even when at times he have to sacrifice a lot on his own ..

being wit him was a happy moments in my life .. he learns a lot when he teaches me to be strong, he owez knew d best way to guide me when i'm so lost n didnt know where to find my way back .. Charma is a simple caring guy, who never try so hard but he is so many gud things to a person like me .. he's so far away, but when i'm in need, he'll try his best to be near .. i know i'm not gud enuff, not strong enuff ..

and when its so hard fer me, i wish i cud let him go so i wont b a burden to him .. i ask him to let me let him go, but then we cry, fer d thot of not being together anymore .. fer d thot of only being able to look but not touch, only to feel but not expressed .. fer d thot dat we cud only b an imagination to dat special person in our life ..

yes .. he is very special to me, i love him as much as a person cud have .. but its just not gud enuff fer me n him to b together, its just not enuff .. remembering him now is actually a knife slicing my heart, he didnt know, n most probably he'll never knew about dis .. so from now on, dis feeling will only b a memory in my heart of hearts .. i'm missing him every now n then, i cry fer him every now n then, but he will never knew .. never

me .. so sad?!?!?

this last couple of weeks have been hell inside my heart, wat trigger d fire within me is still unknown to myself .. i feel insecure, there's nuthin or no one dat can help me to control dis feeling .. i feel lonely, no one wud care or understand how badly i am in need of a hand to hold me close .. i feel sad in jealousy, but its no one fault, its just me being so stupid to let all dis feeling take control over me ..

a very close fren of mine have found her happiness lately, n she take d opportunity to share it wit me, ouh n i'm so happy fer her .. but in silent i question my fate, y is my happiness always been taken away from me in a hurry .. i felt happiness, but when i'm trying to thank sumone fer it, it has been taken away from me .. sumtimes it went away in silence, sumtimes it went away in a gasp of a breath dat i try to breathe ..

have i been so mean before? have i hurt anyone before? i dont think so, cos as i remembered .. people keep hurting me .. hmm i know, i know .. i may have sound pathetic .. so, who cares ...