i was so cought up to dis fairy tale things dat make me a fairy tale freak ..
happily ever after stuff .. prince charming saving me on a white horse ..
dat i'll owez be happy .. dat i'll owez knew dat i cud have my own happiness ..

dat all have make me forget about reality most of d time ..
dats y when reality strikes back at me i dont feel my life have any value left ..
i'm such a loser n all i really wanted is to end all dis ..

i've been so lost, blank and all i cud ever want is sumone who cud appreciate me ..
luv me fer who i am, never push me wen i said no ..
persuaded me might work on sum things ..
but not wen i lost my mood over things .. personal things ..

i'm devastated ..
i'm heart broken ..
i'm frustrated beyond words ..
angel might never looked at me ..
God may never bless me ..
so wat on earth am i doing here ..????

i'm willing to take my own life ..
but my faith said its not worth it ..
so i wait n wait ..

i wish fer my happy ending which wont ever come ..
i wish fer a prince charming on a white steed who never appear ..
i wish i cud be happy fer who i am ..

but there's still sumone or sumthing who wants to take it away from me ..
wat wrong have i done?
why shud i cry fer matters i shudn't have to ..?

a company ..
a shoulder ..
a smile ..
care ..
love ..
caress ..

i guess dats a long list to fullfill ..
i shud never ask so much ..
i'll just stop ..

its time ..


have u ever caught up in a moment where u know u shud learn to let things go? or may be just go on wit d flow n let things be fer wat ever reason it is? i have, but then i dont know why is it so hard to let it go .. is it cos of d feelings dat attached to it, or is it cos u dont want to take things fer granted, either way i'm still lose .. a most pathetic loser u've ever knew ..

i have tried to at least just let sense come in every one, but none of it actually matters to them .. either they really like to hurt me or they just dont care .. but i do, i do care about every one i knew n especially d one who get dat close to me .. but i just lost d sense to b strong to face dis sense dat makes no fact to me at all ..

this is d time to let go, but i wonder, if i let this go, only to fine out i havent try hard enough, i'll regret it my whole life .. but then, wen will this end n where will it took me? i'm still waiting, hoping fer u to come back .. i know i look pathetic like dis but, at least i'm trying in any possible way i know i can .. i'm so sad right now, u know u can bring smile to my face so please .....

i'm begging u

just end dis .. (if u wish so ..)


is it wrong to have loved sumone so deary?
is it wrong to love sumone one dat much dat u willing to let go off everything?
is it wrong to love without have to question everything?

i knew u, i get to know u, i met u .. n i have said i love u even before i meet up wit u .. i didnt mean to bored u wit myself, but if u didnt really want to love me, u can just say so, so i wont b hurt as much as dis .. did i ask so much of u dat u cant stand me anymore?

i'm so sorry, very sorry if u have felt dat way, just let me know dat u didnt need to b wit me anymore, so i wont bother u ever again .. wat have i done wrong?

so, dis is it .. dis is d last time u will ever see one piece of me, i wish u well, i wish u ur happiness, i wish u wouldnt treat anyone else like u did me .. thanx netlog, fer giving me another chance to met n to love dis sumone ..

i wish i can still cuddle in ur arms like before, i wish i can still feel safe wit u just like before, i wish i can love u for ever .. but, i guess i was never in ur list of happiness ..

True love ..


True love is when you shed a tear and still want him. It's when he ignores
you and you still love him. It's when he loves another you still smile and
say I'm happy for you. When all you really do is cry...and cry.

i just happen to find dis wen i was looking fer sumthing over d internet, is it really true? well, i guess it is .. cos i do happen to cry fer u, wen u havent call or sms me over 24hours, but i still want u .. wen i feel u're too busy to remembers me, i still love u as much as i cud have ..

childish u might say of me, but i happen to have lots of love fer u n all i ever want is u .. n i'm hoping dat u cud have want me as much as i have of u .. hmm, how i wish i cud b next to u n be pampered again .. u r so much in my mind, m i in urs too?

me .. (am i gud enough??)

hye ..

ermm, its been great 2, 3 days ago .. i'm all dats on ur mind, but now .. suddenly u sound different, i'm become afraid .. afraid dat may b u dun need me anymore, afraid dat u might sumone else but me .. i dun kno but may b i sound strange, but dats how i feel today ..

my heart says things i didnt wanna kno or listen to, cos i trust u .. i hope u kno i do, i really do .. its just sad, really sad ..

m i not gud enough?
i've tried but may be not enough
m i not gud enough?
tell me, so i wont do same thing twice ..

i dun kno wat is it dat make me so sad
is it dat i care so much about u
or is it dat i dun wanna lose u
either way, i m sad wen u're not here

teary eyes ..


i sit there silently,
my eyes was empty,
its u dat i see,
but u're not there, in my reality ..

i stood there motionlessly,
my eyes still empty,
its still u dat i see,
but u're still not there in my reality ..

i watch tv, solemnly,
my eyes was teary,
i remembers wat u say to me,
dat u care fer me, dat u need me ..

i believe u, i trusted u, n now i still do,
but i'm not sure wat hapen n i dont know wat i'll do,
i still misses u n hoping u know dat i do,
but may b i was wrong dat u no longer need me to ..

its just sumthing i didnt wish to know, dat i have been left alone .. i said to a fren, dat i'm already geting used to be left alone n now i'm imune to loneliness, sadness n sorrowness dat cud surround me. yesterday, i was watching astro kirana movie in title 'Driving Miss Wealthy' .. i couldnt care a less about d driving n how to make miss wealthy understand how hard it is to earn money .. but looking how lovingly d actress n d actor towards each other .. m so touched ..

all d sudden i felt my cheek felt warm, sumthing runing down my cheek .. my eyes suddenly seeing blurry images .. i'm crying silently .. i was thinking about u, i'm getting worried .. no news fer days, dats not how exactly u wud act to me .. u pomise me u will tell mehow u're doing, but nuthin .. we've been so far, n yet u still sent me to be more apart from u ..

its fine, if dats wat u want .. i cant say anything more then wat i've already said .. i was wishing we cud b more then dis, but my luck is not so gud .. i praise u ..
may u have everything u want in dis world, may u have al d hapiness u deserved .. i'm just gonna stay silent, no more promises ..

wat happen??


hmm .. i was so happy being on top of d wheel, i was so preoccupied of being happy n forget dat d wheel can turn any second n bring me so down to a level i cant even imagine being there anymore ever again .. but, like it or not, i'm there at d downside of d wheel .. how frustrated i must be?

at first things went so well, n i'm smiling all d time .. but may b i've missed a step, or two, dat i didnt realize wat i did was wrong, n have hurt u without knowing i do .. all i ever wanted was fer me to behappy, fer me to make u happy .. but i was too busy making sure u're happy, i've forgoten wat u really want .. n now, i'm wondering ..

do u really like me, sincerely .. or may be cos i've pushed u to feel dat way ... do u really happy being wit me, honestly .. or may b u claim dat cos of sympathy by me being pathetic? may be sumone might ask, where's my instinct now dat telling me u r sincere to me before? where's my bravery of telling u how i felt, n teling u wat i feel now?

i'm so sorry to have wrote dis, may be u didnt like it at all .. i can just delete it later, yea i will .. seems like i've given up on u, may b i am .. but not given up on u, but i've given up on me .. on me alone .. hmm sorry, m to caught up wit dis whole thing .. i should not expecting things cud turn out differntly fer us, i shouldt not have done dat .. hmm ............

all i wish was fer u
to have find ur happiness
to have found ur greatness

all i wish was fer u
to owez b happy
to owez be great

all i wish was fer u
to be here n now
to be near n close

but i guess it's ok
if i'm not ur happiness anymore
cos i'm sure u'll find one on ur own

n thank you .. so much

aku dan ke'aku'anku ..

selalu aku mebayangkan kemungkinan untuk memilikimu, tapi kemungkinan yang aku bayangkan amat sedikit untuk menjadi nyata .. selalu aku menginginkan dirimu, akan tetapi keinginan ku terhalang kerana kesendirian dirimu .. selalu aku bermimpikan dirimu, tapi aku kehilangan dirimu saat mataku celik sewaktu dinihari ..

aku dan ke'aku'an ku ..
mengingini sesuatu yang dibatasi waktu
mengimpikan sesuatu yang dihalangi temu
memiliki satu yang tak mungkin jadi kepunyaanku

dimana kamu yang ingin ku miliki
kerana ku rasa kurang bila sendiri
dimana kamu yang selalu ku impi
kerana ku rasa sedih sekali

aku mencari sesuatu yang tak pasti milikku, tapi pencarian ini serasa bererti .. aku berlari mengejar sesuatu yang samar, tapi samar hilang ditelan sesuatu yang gelap .. aku berdiri disini, kerana mengharapkan arah darimu yang mungkin mahu mengerti ..

aku dan ke'aku'an ku ..
mengingini, membayangi, dan mengimpi
sedar semuanya akan hilang tapi masih mahu berharap

aku dan ke'aku'an ku ..
mencari, mengejar dan akhirnya cuma berdiri
sedar ke'aku'an ku bukan abadi
akhirnya aku pergi mengundur diri ......................



umi and cucu umi
(luv umi so much)

illusions, or just adreamers?


sumone once told me, i was a dreamer .. i ask myself, wats wrong by being a dreamer? then d other person jump into d picture n telling lots of wrongs to be jst a dreamer ..

he said :
to a dreamer i cannot touch, i send my love in a lullaby ..
to a lips i cannot kiss, i blow u one right now ..
fer a waist i cannot hold, i send to u my biggest hugs ..
fer a love i cannot consummate, i send to u my hottest letters ..
i only see u thru my computer, but i love u just d same ..
so i send to u dis page of dreams, n dis wonderful lullaby fer u to sleep ..
so we can hear it as we sleep, n touch in our dreams ...

i was captured by dat, probably i shouldnt but i did .. its just so sweet n i wish i'm d only person to receive dis appreciation, but may be i'm just too cought up n didnt want to think otherwise .. it has blinded my eyes to see, deafen my very ears to listen .. shallowing my mind to think further ahead.

its been years, but still d grasp of everthing seems very tight .. i was hoping u cud help me get out of dis, but may be i have ask so much of u dat i shouldnt have .. its been even lonelier at times like dis, but wishes dont come true anymore .. i wish to do things i wanted to do, i wish i can make u here n be two, i wish so hard dat i can make me happy, i wish .. i wish .. i wish ..

may be i should just gave up, i wanna feel wat its like being a quitter .. i wanna know wat it feels like being a loser .. i'll be quiet from everyone, i guess dat will make everyone happier .. dont mind me, i'm just a person who passed by in ur life .. wish u a great life ahead ..

alone again ..

hmm .. if u were given a chance to get to know sumone, wud u take d risk? i never wanted to take any risk any morejust before i met dis guy .. we've been frens n all, n i missed few steps dat i already cross d line .. i'm drawing d line but sumhow, i forget its there to protect me .. so i took another risk ..

but day by day pass by, i always knew it wud not work .. but y do i stil hang on to it? because i'm too tired to start things over again, n ridiculously dis is where i went wrong .. i neglected almost everyting including how i've been hurt just to gain his love ..

i might have been played but didnt realize it, but its no one's fault but mine alone .. n in time there's sumone who sincerely being a fren, n may be i'm just taking him fer granted .. dat i didnt realize what i have make him feel, tought about me .. i've never felt so lonely like dis before ..

i lost 2 great things dat ever happen to me in one nite .. he who i wud love, had left me .. him who i cud have great relationship with, i pushed him away without noticing it .. may be i was meant to be alone, i should just accept it .. i dont think i can manage all this anymore ..
God, take me away from all this ..

isk isk .. (why??)

here's something that i really dont wish to know, read, remind of or what ever you call it as .. once called a memory that i'd be choosing. i'm done partly from that frustration which had eat my heart out. i didnt really wish to play all of it back but just now it seems .. like there's something that really urges me to flip back to those pages. some people said, when you're thinking about someone, that someone could also be thinking about you too. urgh! yikes, like that could really happen. but, wouldnt .. couldnt it be a joy fer me to know that somehow .. he could be thinking of me .. fer a slight moment? i know i just couldnt stop thinking about him, even when i was up with kinky act with this guy .. somehow there's still him. he's the first man who touches me that way .. smoothly slipped thru my heart. God! i missed him ..

sure right now he's in bed with his pregnant wife .. sound asleep; and me here still thinking about him at this stupid hour. i shouldnt still hung up to the same story all over again but i cant really help it. here's somethin .. each time i thought i've made up my mind that i'm done with guys .. there would be someone who will give me a call. no matter if i knew him or not .. or someone who barely call me since they had my number .. they'll be calling and the timing is always right .. when i choose to let go of what i have. geesh! i'm freaking out already ..

i admit it that somehow i'm feeling a little bit of joy knowing someone wants to treat me kind like he once did .. i'm feeling appreciated. i do, but since i somehow knew it wouldnt last .. i just choose to be a little over protective by any chance. its hard but i just couldnt believe it that fer once i manage to hide away from it. by means that i have succesfully rejected the feeling i've been missing. God! this is just an achievement that i really have had enough of. this has really have to stop, i'd still have to fulfil my action list that i've listed. so, okay that right now i'm kinda forget some of the things that i have to do .. i'm out ..

one time .. two time ....


" this is even hard fer me to say, pls let me let u go ... "

i thought i never would've heard or read any kind of this situations anymore .. i dont know why i've been so like 'drama queen' lately .. i've been happy, but feels like i need to do sumthing .. and i did ..

d result is so disappointing, n i'm d one who cry fer things dat i did .. i felt wrong, n fer d matter dat really stupid .. i've been wondering wat he did wrong, nuthin .. wat ive don wrong, a lot .. it makes me scary to think of thg i'm capable of but not noticing it ..

hellllppppp!!!

date : 18th August 2007 saturday 0032 hrs

subject : i've been dumped .. (how pathetic was i?)

evening people ..

just before midnite, i've been ask to be away from sumone .. how long have i known dis man? quite long to know he wud never had done dis to me, but may be i'm just too afraid to realize its going to end up like dis anyway .. rite now i'm just too sad to realized he's send me away, from his life, his heart and his mind .. he made me laugh, he made me cry, he also d one who made me smile in tears i had cried over simple things like d one happened now ..

i thought he said .. or may be i was dreaming dat he had said those things i heard .. its hard to realize u r not cut out to be wit the person u really wanna be wit .. its even harder when he's d only person dat u want to b wit .. after all dat we've been thru, in d end u r d one who's still crying .. i realize i will never be wit him, i just didnt realize he never did want to be with me .. hmm, its break my heart, he break my heart .. i thought he never will break my heart, but he did .. i'm still wondering y ..

my heart calling ur name

wondering n searching ur scent

wondering what went wrong

cos i've waited fer u fer so long

i'm drown in ur well of love

try breathing d air as i move

been lost in ur forest of smile

as tho u wud save one fer me

i'm sorry fer d wrong i've done

i never meant any of it but one

if this wrong makes u leave me alone

please tell me now, so i can mend n return

there's no use fer me to beg n bend on my knee, fer he d person who i wud give my whole heart to will never come back no matter wat i do .. i'm running out of fthings to think of y he left, of y he mistreated me like dis .. tomorrow will start witout me being able to whisper his name again, witout d air blows my hugs n kisses, witout any thought of me n u .. i'm falling, i never knew where will i end up to .. so to u who i would give my whole heart to, i let u let me go if dats wat u wanted .. fergive me if i cant stop loving u as u have stop loving me ..

You are Everything To Somebody Right now at this very minute-----------

someone is very proud of you

someone is thinking of you

someone cares about you

someone misses you

someone wants to talk to you

someone wants to be with you

someone hopes you aren't in trouble

someone is thankful for the support you have provided

someone wants to hold your hand

someone hopes everything turns out all right

someone wants you to be happy

someone wants you to help them

someone is celebrating your successes

someone wants to give you a gift

someone think you ARE a gift

someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

someone wants to hug you

someone loves you

someone admires your strength

someone is thinking of you and smiling

someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on

someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

someone thinks the world of you

someone would do anything for you

someone wants to be forgiven

someone is grateful for your forgiveness

someone wants to laugh with you about old times

someone remembers you and wishes you were there

someone needs to know that your love is unconditional

someone wants to tell you how much they care

someone treasures your spirit

someone will cry when they read this

Think About This…!!!

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.

2. At least 15 people in this world love you, in some way.

3. A smile from you, can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.

4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

5. You mean the world to someone.

6. Without you, someone may not be living.

7. You are special and unique, in your own way.

8. Someone that you don't know even exists, loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

10. When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, you most likely turned your back on the world.

11. When you think you have no chance at getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, you probably sooner or later will get it.

12. Always remember compl iments you received, forget about the rude remarks.

13. Always tell someone how you feel about them, you will feel much better when they know.

14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they're great.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

YOU WON'T GET ANY GOOD LUCK, OR YOUR CRUSH WON'T SUDDENLY LIKE YOU, BUT YOU'LL BRIGHTEN UP SOMEONE'S DAY, AND MIGHT CHANGE THEIR PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE.

all i want is you ..

I Want To brush your hair .. To hold your hand .. To kiss your tears .. To watch you sleep .. To laugh out loud .. To love so deep .. To feel your heart beating next to mine .. To gaze into your eyes and see your souls' glow .. To teach the kids well as they so rapidly grow .. To trust that your love will never fade away .. To give in to the fates and believe they are wise .. Never disrespect one another for the rest of our lives .. To pick a star in the heavens and name it for our love .. To catch you if you fall and never cause you pain .. To have our hearts one to one dancing in the moonlit rain .. To hold you so tight .. To show you my heart .. To make love through the night .. To share every thought .. To be happy together, forever .. A few of the things that I want with you ..

u r no one .... :(

U make me laugh, but u're not there to share it with me ..
U make me cry, but u're not there to wipe away the tears ..
U make me wonder, but u're not there to give me answers ..
U make me wish, but u're not there to realize it ..
U write romantic words, but u're not there to read it ..
U make me pray fer the stars, but u're not there to hold my hands n gaze upon them ..
U break my heart, but u're not there to place back the puzzle ..

TRUE LOVE MEANS:

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot...
...who calls you back when you hang up on him...
...who will stay awake just to watch you sleep...
...wait for the guy who kisses your forehead... .
..who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats...
...who holds your hand in front of his friends...
...wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you...
...wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her, or that's him"...

If you open this, you have to repost it so that you'll be showered with only love for the rest of your life. This midnight , true love will knock on your heart and something good will happen to you at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow. It could happen anywhere. So get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Please don't break this chain. Let love shower unto us for all the time.

date : 18th december 2006 monday 0249 hrs
subject : a day out with Charma ..

Hye ..
Charma is a sweet man with a soft heart, nice attitude, caring and loving, responsible and also thoughtful. i like this man so much right this very moment. i've known this man fer at least 2 months now and to be frank .. that's not enough time to tell how's someone really like. but i guess, if u're honest to urself, sincere beyond doubts its more than enough. we text each other if we could manage to find the time, he call when necessary, we chat on ym if i get online .. i can say we are close frens. but above all he's married .. and that's why he can be very thoughtful at times.

we only met fer about 3 times includes today.. the first time was last months and we met at KLCC, to hippie fer our ager but i cant think any where else to take him so we stay and chat inside and outside that buildingnearly 7 hours. we laugh at ourselves a lot that day. we talked about so many things, harmless things and on one stage i guess it got personal fer both of us, just thank goodness it didnt get too personal. i knew he was married to someone the first time we talked, i'm a little scared that things can get carried away but some how he managed to convinced me that everything will be in our control. its just the matter of our intentions, so we become frens. after the first meeting i get very comfy with this guy.

later, i managed to get myself into trouble, a decision that make him worried about my safetyand everything. i didnt mean to bother anyone with me and my problems but some how i did. i didint mean to make him worried about me, i didnt .. i just didnt realise that my decision had made me lose control of my own life and had bother so many people other than him. with my phone broken, i've just run out of ways to make him sure that i was fine. i manage to find shelter fer a little while but fer how long? in this rough moment he has become my saviour, he has been a lot of help and guide fer me. i didnt mean to burden him with my problems and he said, i didnt troubled him at all. being frens with him was my only intentions but now, with him always be there to help and guide me, i'm scared. it feels like i owe him in some way .. but i didnt wanna bring it up or i'll upsets him. at that moment our communications is limited to ym .. i told him how i've been, i've told him how i felt and then suddenly, i felt tears filling my eyes.

all this while .. no one have ever been or shoews that much cared to me .. not even my own family. i felt so lonely, i wish to be in someones' arms right then .. i long to be hug, i need to know that there's someone who still care about me. i didnt want to make him more worried than he already is. chatting with him that day really make me feel so touched. he shows how much he care to a fren, and he did say the right words at a right time .. then i realise one thing on my way back, i'm so touched by his cares that i forget about his status. hmm .. when i got my phone back, we did starts texting each other. he starts calling again. then one night, when i was thinking about him .. he texted me. i didnt realise what i was texting him then he ask me .. 'did i missed him?'

i was surprised when he ask me that, it took me sometimes to find a strength to answer him. why? because .. because i didnt i do until he ask me. to avaoid awkwardness between us i brought something up. then i ask him when will he come to see me again? he said soon but he cant promise me .. i thought i was ok with it but i'm not. i was disappointed at that time. again .. [0] i did it.[0] the next day he texted me telling he will come fer a visit. i am so excited. we texted until 1 a.m that morning. the day that he said has come, he called and we talked. he said he'll be leaving that evening and will be here before 10pm. he managed to find my place and we went out fer awhile. we sat on his car as he drive around fer hours and we been talking all the while. its like i'm trying to fill the empty place in my heart. then he starts asking questions about so many things that involves us. listening to his questions and the answer i've given him .. i feel very insecure, fragile .. but i'm too proud to let him see that. later when we sat at McD, he starts asking those questions again .. i feel like i have to do something about all this. i didnt lie to him, but at that moment i'm so sure that i've given him a proper answer. later he send me home and promise will see me again, the next morning.

honestly, after he send me home, i havent been thinking about anything that we've talked about. i dont know wether its because i'm sure i have nuthin to worry about or may be because i had so much fun seeing him again. he pick me up the next morningand we drove to MidValley. i know he hates crowd so much, when we entered the mall and saw lots of people .. i realise he's feeling very uncomfy. later i said may be we should try and went to KLCC. we did, but when we get there the movie we meant to watch was unavailable .. he felt i was disappointed but i said, its ok. then he said lets go to Genting .. i said sure. on our way we talked again. but at some point, i feel like he's talking all true facts about me and him that i just run out of words to say to him ..

we reach Genting safely, we ate and we walked around .. it was so cold that i feel i have to walk so close to him .. and i dont know what i was thinking when i ask him can i hold his hands. i know i didnt ask that because it was so cold that i wanted him to touch me .. i ask that because i wanted to feel him. later we walked back, holding hands , and i just didnt want him to let go of me. i feel strange some how. we drove back to KL, he ask me about what we talked last night. i forget to think about it so i just said what i should. i feel very strange .. close to reaching my place, he stop by a restaurant and we have something to eat, i feel strange .. i looked at him, watching him talking, watching him smiling, watching him blushing because i keep staring at him. we ask each other this questions since we drove back from Genting .. 'when will we see each other again .. but there's no absolute answer .. i feel sad cause he's about to leave .. i didnt look at him while leaving his car. i went up, get change and went to bed .. i try close my eyes to sleep but i cant. everything that we talked about is tingling in my ears .. i didnt know why i am so worried so much. later he call and we talked .. and now i understands.

i feel strange .. i'm being selfish .. i'm being too proud. i want him as a fren ferever, but what he said is much true. yes, he never did promise me anything, i knew that. but what i didnt realise is that i'm starting to feel him more than just a fren. may be becaus e i feel lonely and in need of someone that i choose to being selfish and forget that he belongs to someone else. i feel so comfy with him that i choose to let that feeling take control because i'm too proud to remind myself that he is not fer me. i want him so much to be with me that i choose to force myself to see him as a free man. he is right when he said he didnt want to solve a problem by creating another. he is right when he said you can still gain love even if you already have someone .. i know that pretty well too. but what he didnt know is that .. i meant him.

i know i was beyond my lines when i think of that, i know i was wrong to even think of that. i didnt know why is it so great between us .. but i know i can be hurt because i know that i wasnt meant to keep him. and i am upset that i cant keep him as a fren fer another 10 years as i've guaranteed. he said love will come first .. but fer me .. i will care fer u first .. i will love u is second .. and i will be responsible fer you is the next step. so before i cant even look back anymore, may be i will back out now. its not that i cannot control over things anymore, but its just like what u said .. i'll be the one who will feel the hurt. so, as i promised you .. i will tell you when i have to leave you.

Charma, as much as i love you as a fren .. i didnt want you to feel guilty fer anything. i have processed everything and i realise i want to keep the memory i have of you now. i know how sincere you are, i realise how true your intentions towards me, but as you said you didnt wnat to solve a problem by creating another. and i know you meant well when you said you didnt want to bleed my wound again. so before anything worse could happen to me, i will tell you gently .. i have to let you go .. i'm so sorry to have made this decision.



Come notice me
And take my hand
So why are we
Strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy

And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so smallI guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby

I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
Ohhhh

At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so smallI guess
I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
After all...After all...

Everyone assumes dat being in love is dat top-of-d world feeling dat never fades. What so many dont realize that, while its a great, wonderful feeling - a chemistry dat works like magic just fer d two of u, a special aura dat cocoons u from d rest of d world, it has it setbacks too.

Wen u love sumone so much, it can really hurts wen things arent going rite between d two of u. D quarrels, wen they come, are terrible. U are so naked and vulnerable to being hurt. They know exactly how to hurt u. D agony of waiting fer d mails dat doesnt arrive, d words, which are no longer said, d time and d hug dat isnt there fer u anymore. And wen they smile in sumone else's direction and not urs, ur insides hurt like hell.

Storm is a mild expression wen lovers quarrel. Jealousy, wen it raises its ugly head, is uglier than u tot. Hurled accusations and more hit d walls wen u feel insecure. Threatened by d possible loss of dat love u've been able to count on fer so long. D time fer making up is also a time wen a small part of u dies within. Ur dignity and ur self-esteem suffer a severe blow in dat lovers' quarrel.

Yet u want no one else. Its their arms dat u still want around u. Its their murmured words of love u long to hear. Its finally them; too, u want to spent d rest of ur years with.

If wen I closed my eyes to dream
My every dream came true
Then I would close my eyes
And dream of u
I would dream of ur lovely eyes
As they gazed longingly into mine
Filled with so much love
And sparkling in d moonshine
I would dream of ur perfect lips
Held just slightly apart
And thru kissing them
I would kiss ur heart
I would dream of ur slender fingers
As they caressed my hair
Sending small shivers up my spine
In d warm night air
I would dream of ur whisper
So very close to my ear
Telling me not to be lonely
Fer u will always be here
And I would dream of uy love
As it surrounded me tight
And held me
Warm and safe
Thru out d nite
If dreams came true