You're Back ..

i was lying down one night falls asleep when it struck me on my head that i have to wake up .. my laptop was still turned on, my ym is also still signed on .. there's one window that catch my eye at once .. a ym window, your window ..

you're appologizing for being silence, you saying you're sorry for leaving me that long that far .. and then just silence ..

i'm shock, surprise .. i try sending messages hoping you'd reply back .. but you never did, no messages have been replied, no buzz for me anymore .. i'm upset again, horrified by that fact that i cant reach you anymore, for the fact that i completely lose you ..

i'm a loser, a complete fool by waiting for something that could never be mine .. but the funny thing is that i dont mind .. cos i know what my feeling is .. i guess i should sign off now, tears is playing in my eyes, my eyes said it wanna cry, but my heart said i've done enough crying ..

i guess i'm just so stupid .. bye

Problems .. Problems .. Problems ..

I'm so messed up this days, got problems all over me for reasons i cant explain .. i wonder what have i done wrong for actually facing this problems .. its not that i cant except challenges from the almighty, its just i'm feeling that this is too much for the time being to be at once .. i'm just so caught up in the middle where as i'm starting to think that i better take a step forward as brave and at once ..

what am i gonna do ..?

I Miss You ..

Its been really a long time, and I am really ashamed of myself for just shutting myself from you .. you have helped me a lot when i really in need, and when i get out of it, i just stay silence and shut myself .. it wasnt fair, i know .. but i didnt know how to face you cause i am so embarrassed .. i wanted to ask you out every time, but i'm afraid you might rejected me since m not being a good friend to you anymore ..

i was jealous seeing you having a new friend who followed you around anywhere .. but there's nothing that i could do .. my job didnt allow me to do things as i please .. i wish i could join in with you on any trip, but too bad i couldnt .. n i just feel so upset bout it .. i really miss spending the good and bad times with you ..

i often wonder how r u doing without me .. i know, u must be doing just fine. cos u are a tough girl, the toughest i've ever met .. and i missed you a lot for that .. i missed you telling me stuff i should and shouldnt do .. things that i've done wrong .. i cry at times, for not having you to talk to .. how pathetic was i, right .. that's just me ..

i wish we could go back to where we are great friends, sharing everything together .. i miss you a lot, but i'm still ashamed of myself .. i'll call you sooner .. i missed you dear friend .......

I was there ..
sitting on that green leafy scent grass,
covered and wrapped by that chill nighty wind,
roofed by the clear starry blue night sky,
but you weren't there ..

I was there ...
lying on that oversized bed all alone,
covered by the darkness and silence,
only hearing the crickets'melody of loneliness,
but again, you weren't there ...

I was there ....
when you told me of all the things you like,
when you explain to me why have you hate all those things in you life,
when you share all your favorites things with me,
but .. you're still not there anymore ....

hmmm i feel so bad right about now, i meant to write sooner but i just havent got time to do it, with work and everything, seems like life is so hard these days and i just have to stay strong to deal with what ever it is that's coming my way. i was counting on you to make everything become much easier, as u said u will, but i lost u as well, then tell me how should i deal with everything when i lost my guide even before i started .. i just wanted to be with you, but you decided i have spend enough time with you, and that you have to leave, and i have to face the fact that i wont have you to be near anymore ..

i can understand why you're doing all this, you are so out of my league and i am no one compare to you. its hard for me to believe this one fact cos i thot you are different, but it turns out the other way around. i'm very bad at judging people, and knowing that now i swear to myself not to fall for anyone else anymore, ever again .. now, i'm only going to focus on my work and my new life .. thanx to a dear good friend of mine ..

i just wanted to have someone who wants me for me, not for who they want me to be, or who they will changed me into, or who wants me to be someone else .. i just wanted someone who will hold my hand to make me feel i'm safe and secure being with him, i wanted someone who will point at me for his friends and say; that's my girl, i wanted someone who loves me for me .. who is sincere and honest, but i guess that's just soooo much to ask of ..

i lost all the good guys to the good girls .. what's that left me?